Girlfriend

"Na na na, na na na

All I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend

Down to ride till the happy end, is me and my girlfriend

Where would you be, be without me

We'll never find out

What would I do, do without you

We'll never know now

Talking bout the lights, the dirt, the shit, that hurts

We're not gonna turn around

We're doing this for good, for worse

The gift, the curse, we're not gonna back down

All I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend

Down to ride till the happy end, is me and my girlfriend

All I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend

Down to ride till the happy end, is me and my girlfriend

I wanna feel the sun, the waves, the wind in my face

The speed, the chase, na na na

I wanna feel the sun, the waves, just wanna cross the states, making up as we go

That's how's gon' be, young wild and free

Not gonna slow down

Up to the max, until we crush, we're not gonna stop now

All I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend

Down to ride till the happy end, is me and my girlfriend

Na na na, na na na

Na na na, na na na

All I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend

Down to ride till the happy end, is me and my girlfriend"

I once knew a girl who loved
things most people shun.
Every man she ever loved was
terrible to her, terrible
I tell you.
But there was something
about them that intrigued
her - she liked broken things.
broken people.
To her, if there was
nothing to fix there was
nothing to love.


-Christopher  Poindexter

It's so fucking hard to be happy

Falling fast

you can't control attachment

People will always say that you must not get so attached to someone for they will leave you sooner or later. Others say that you must leave something for yourself or you should not give everything you have. But, how could that be possible? if you're in love with someone -  you will give to world to that person, everything that will make that someone happy, you'll do anything that will make that someone feel she's worthy, she's loved and she's worth every piece the world can offer. You cannot control yourself not to be attached to someone you really love, someone you care about so much. Whatever happens and whatever you do, you will be attached, you will be "one".

"Are you happy?"

" Are you happy?"

God knows how i try to be happy but even though i try so hard to be, there are still things that makes my happiness hard to achieve. I know that the biggest challenge here is myself but still, it is a process and a choice. So, I chose to go through the process so i won't just have temporary happiness but maybe a lifetime of it. 

"When was the last time you cried? Why?"

Gahhhh, its been 3 months since i  last posted here in my blog. I apologize. Its not that i have been busy or what but for that  last three months i felt really lazy and i just wanna enjoy my vacation. Did not do anything or a lot this summer but we went to Cebu and Bohol - i think that's the highlight of my vacation not my OJT. I hated my On-the-job-training cause for me its just a waste of time. 

Anyhow, i'll answer the 15th question which is when was the last time i cried and what was the reason. I guess, i cried last Monday. I felt really sad which led me to crying. I realized that my life is so messed up, i'm not happy and i am not contented. That night i realized how stupid i am not to appreciate the things that i have because i always wanted more but still i know that even though getting that 'more' won't make me feel happy because sadly, i still want more and more and more. I am never contented and that makes my life really hard. I know that other people specially the ones who has been with me doesn't really know that i am not contented and not happy with what i have because i cannot talk to them about it for the reason that i am afraid on how they will look at me. I don't want to be like this. I want to be happy and appreciate everything i have, i want to stop looking for more because i know that at the end of the day that things will not make me truly happy. I want to stop. I want to change. 

Clarity

Clarity

"Hold still right before we crash

cause we both know how this ends

Our clock ticks till it breaks your glass and i drown in you again

cause you are the piece of me

I wish I didn't need

Chasing relentlessly 

still fight and I don't know why

If our love is tragedy why are you my remedy

if our love's insanity why are you my clarity"

"What do you want to be in the future?"

I want  to be someone that i know myself can be proud of, someone who helps a lot of people and just living the dream that i am dreaming right now.

Stay

Stay by Rihanna

"Round and around and around and around we go

oh now tell me now tell me now

tell me now you know

Not really sure how to feel about it

Something in  the way you move 

Makes me feel like i can't live without you

it takes me all the way

I want you to STAY"

Feelings

I cannot express my feelings right now. I don't know.I'm lost. I don't know what's the right thing to do. I am so hurt that i can't even stop my tears from falling from my eyes. I feel so misunderstood and ignored. I feel like i am slowly dying. I can't help but to think about the things that she said which made me really sad and mournful. I know that feelings do fade but everyday and every night i always pray that she  won't reach that moment that all she has to say is goodbye. :(

Suede

I just can't resist you Topshop :(

"Where do you want to be right now?"

I wanna be in the place where i really belong and feel happy. The place where i know that i can be relaxed and comfortable. The place where i'll stay for the rest of my life being happy and contented. 

Arrow and TS

Because of my cunning skill i have forced my mom to shop some things for me.. yehey!
Last week, she bought me a brown leather bag and earlier today i asked her if  she can buy me some make-ups but instead of buying make-ups i found some goodies in topshop so i decided to buy there instead.

Black Leather Bag with Studs

White studded Shoes

Arrow dark brown vintage-y  Bag

Thanks mommy! i love yew!

Give me Everything

I can't get enough

Everybody knows that i am in love and you know that when someone is in love they can do crazy and stupid things that others might not understand why. I pity them because i know that they haven't experienced being  in love at all yet, maybe,yes, but way too far from what i feel right now. I know i'm young and i haven't experienced everything yet and i am not saying that i know everything but i know what i feel and i know what i'm doing. They can't understand what in love people can do because they have never felt it, they never felt love this strong. I am also surprised about this, about what i feel. I can't control it. I can't get enough. 

I don't know why i still feel the same way towards her even though a lot of bad things have  happened between us already. We're still here, in love, crazy and stupid. I really don't know how to react about this, i keep on asking myself if what i'm doing is still right and if its not i don't really give a damn. All i know is she makes me really happy and sad, and happy and sad and sometimes happy and sad at the same time. I love her so dearly that i can't even control myself on falling so much more with every fight and every reconciliation.

Help

I can't wait to graduate, find a good paying job and get rich...

I was on my way to school yesterday then i saw an old man having a hard time going down from the side walk. It is really obvious that he's feeling pain from walking. I pity him so much but i can't do anything and that killed me. On the other street an old and weak man caught my eyes. He was selling newspapers and his eyes looked really tired, he walks very slow and that scared me because cars are all over the place. Going home on the same day, i saw a kid begging for money, i think he's just 2 years old. He's walking without slippers. That kid don't deserve to be on the streets asking for alms. Seeing them made me cry. Yes, i cried. I just wanna help them, feed them, provide them shelter, give them what they need but i can't because i don't have a lot of money, i don't have extra to help them. I know i can still help even without money but how? that's the number one thing that people need. 

That's the reason why i want to graduate and to be rich - to help needy people. When i watch documentaries about poverty and how poor people live their lives which is really hard and degrading  i just can't help but to cry and promise to myself that i will help them in God's perfect time.

I want to build shelters for street children and send them to school,provide homes for poor families, job for everybody and comfortable housing for senior citizens. I want everybody to be educated which they really deserve. I promise to help everybody that my helping hand can reach. If i don't get that rich i will still help in my own little way because i also believe that money isn't the only  thing that may help them. 

I really hope for a better future, not only for me but also for everybody. I know and believe that every body deserves a good, comfortable life, education, food on their plates and a job that can sustain them and their families.

I will help.

Long enough

Ohh my fucking God! it's been a month since i posted my last blog entry.. fuck that shit! am i that lazy? Been busy with school and Christmas vacay. So yea, Christmas break is over now, back to reality. I really have a bulk of shits to do and it brings insanity in me. I can't stop thinking about my thesis, dieting, saving money and  anything under the sun, its like i am really pressured to level up right now. Fortunately, i am really diligent and persistent to do the things that i am required to do. I feel so happy about that. I hope i will stay like this forever.  I also want to buy a 2013 planner to fix  my  shit by schedule. I feel so responsible! fuck me, right?